We've heard a lot about this topic! Facebook is ruining relationships across the world...it's a fact right? Before Facebook came along, people who were otherwise apparently happily married turned into cheaters almost overnight! What's the reason for this?
Is it that they weren't so happy in their marriage after all, could it be they were comfortable and maybe the warm fuzzies weren't what they expected after the courting stage was over, or is the nostalgia of what could have been with an old flame? Obviously every situation is different, I think it's more the latter.
According to Wikipedia "The term nostalgia describes a yearning for the past, often in idealized form.The word is a learned formation of a Greek compounds, consisting of νόστος, nóstos, "returning home", a Homeric word, and ἄλγος, álgos, "pain" or "ache". It was described as a medical condition, a form of melancholy, in the Early Modern period, and came to be an important topic in Romanticism."
Can you believe it was once considered a medical condition? It's probably because so many people have suffered from it's effects! Have you ever known someone that is stuck in the past, like 20+ years ago, and just can't let it go? Always talking about an old girlfriend or boyfriend or "the way things used to be".
It gets old fast...I know, I have seen it plenty. It's been good, everything is going along fine, it's been six months without a thought or word about an old flame and then WHAM! You get that "Hey stranger..." email or friend request and Love comes walking in. I have heard the success stories from a few of these relationships but how many of them don't work? I can't seem to find any statistics on this but I am willing to bet most don't work. I just hope these people are getting to know that lost love from 20, 30 or even 40 years ago before they destroy their families. I am not the person I was back then, not that I was a bad person. I don' t think you will find too many people to be what you remember from that long ago. Is a "yearning from the past, often in idealized form" worth throwing what you have away? People have it better than they think they do, how do we get them to realize it?
If I am ever in this situation, and I pray to God I never am, I don't know that I would have the strength to try to make my husband see how good things really are. I would be so hurt, I don't know that my ego would let me. Share your thoughts, I am curious if anyone out there in my e-universe circle has been through this and would be comfortable sharing your experience. It just might help someone else one day.
I am not a doctor. Any advice or opinions I give are simply advice from life experience and not that of a professional!
This blog is about the crazy things that happen in my life that hopefully can help someone else along the way. My goal is to give solid advice from life experience...and it's free! I will help with any topic so bring on your toughest questions. There isn't much I haven't seen but I won't bore you with the gory details! Want to get to know me? Just ask a question! Feel free to post anonymously.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
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I also agree with you about people "yearning from the past, often in idealized form" when it comes to an "old flame". I don't think people realize how much they change over time and the image they have in their mind of a past relationship isn't even remotely accurate. I like to remember the good times and tend to block out some things when I reflect on someone from my past. I personally believe romantic relationships from long ago should probably stay there since probably {something like} 5% (if that) would actually work out. Don't get me wrong, I've heard of situations where people have reconnected and lived "happily ever after". Besides the movies, how often do you see that?
ReplyDeleteAnother thing is being secure in your current relationship/status. After almost 8 years, I know my husband is the love of my life. Although reconnecting with my ex's can be interesting and fun, our paths crossed long ago and that's just that. I know I've felt love before and although somewhere in my heart I may always love them, I am happy that I had that opportunity and love where I am.
Just my own observations and 2 cents... :)
Hey, remember the good ole days when we did it. Like monkeys. I miss that, let's do it again but don't tell your hubby.
ReplyDeleteWhitey. Aka the love bear
In response to "the love bear"; fortunately my list is very short and I am certain you aren't on it!
ReplyDeleteIts difficult to see past your own emotion sometimes. Especially when its you thats loved and lost because I think a lot of what we believe and feel depends on validated emotions. Its the suckiness factor we suffer through rejection. The possibility of re-kindling or validating lost love is romantic in the worst way. And gets the best of some of us.
ReplyDeleteThis happened with my sister just recently... The past came flooding back for both of them (unfinished business). She "headed" with him to another state, got almost across the US, then they both had a change of heart. Luckily, she was able to repair her relationship with her husband and things are working out between them. But whether it's facebook or meeting in the grocery store, I believe that if you are not getting what you need (whatever that is) at home, it can happen at any time, even if you are not seeking it out. Just my opinion
ReplyDeleteWhen you say "gets the best of some of us", does that mean this has happened to you?
ReplyDeleteJustlife...short list? Please I remember back when if it wasn't for you santa wouldn't even have a naughty list.
ReplyDeletewhitey