Stranger Danger

We have all heard the term "stranger danger". Our children are taught about stranger danger pretty much from the time they can walk. It starts with us as parents saying "don't walk away from mommy or a stranger might take you" and continues throughout their years in school. In elementary school they are taught what to do if they are approached by a stranger and throughout their years growing up they are surrounded by it in their environment. Amber alerts, posters at the store, news stories, books, articles...it's everywhere.

Don't get me wrong here, this is a very serious problem and we do need to equip our children with the tools they would need to try to avoid this situation should it ever arise. What do you do when your child develops and unhealthy fear of being taken? Is there a level of fear that could be considered unhealthy when it comes to this topic? My daughter for instance will not stay in the car for me to even run into a gas station to get a bottle of water. Doors locked, me in her line of vision able to see the vehicle the whole time, keys with me, she will not do it! She gets panicked, cries, gets belligerent, out-of-her mind upset. So, I either have to take her and the babies in or skip it altogether.

Obviously I am not trying to send my child into a full-blown panic attack so I plan my outings around it. To be honest, as a parent, it's something I fear as well. I think her fear of it makes me fear it even more if that's possible!

This topic came up last week. My daughter and I were picking up Chinese food when a man came in and started talking to her. I was immediately uncomfortable and did not like the questions he asked her, and she answered. Because I have taught her to be polite. I have taught her to respect her elders. I never excluded strangers in teaching her these things. The second we were back in the car I asked her how that "gentleman" made her feel when he was asking her those questions. She said "fine". So my child who gets completely panicked at the thought of being in the car, doors locked, keys with me, and what I would consider ok for a couple of minutes totally answers a complete stranger's questions. Questions that made me uncomfortable were ok by her.

In the matter of maybe a minute and a half, this man found out where she went to school, the general area where she lived and what type of sports she played at school. All with me standing right there. Not stopping it. Letting her answer these questions. Later I asked myself why I let this happen. The bottom line is, I didn't want to be rude to someone that could be innocently making conversation. What I learned from that situation is, I SHOULD HAVE BEEN RUDE! Not outwardly "get away from my kid" rude, but more like, "I'm sorry, I'm going to have to stop you, I don't like the questions you are asking". It's not worth the risk to my child just to be polite. It would have also shown her that in an uncomfortable situation, it's ok to speak up. Was she only fine with it because I was right there? I hope so. I don't think she would have felt comfortable with these questions had I not been there but how do you know?

I need to teach her more about uncomfortable situations and how to handle them. After all, it's not always a stranger doing the harm. I need to teach her that it's ok to say she isn't comfortable answering these questions and walk away. I need to teach her that those aren't questions this man should have been asking her. He made me uncomfortable and there is a reason for that. I have learned to always trust my gut. The fact that it is still bothering me, is bothering me!

Are we teaching stranger danger the right way? Do kids need a refresher class as they get older and maybe forget the types of questions they shouldn't answer? How can they be totally surrounded by it for so long and not see a situation that could be dangerous when it's presented to them? And the biggest question of all; HOW DID I AS THE PARENT TOTALLY LET THIS HAPPEN RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME?!

Am I over-reacting here? What are your thoughts?

Any advice or opinions I give are simply advice from life experience and not that of a professional!